I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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