im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Someone stole a lamp last night.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
