I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
