the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
