That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
