I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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