Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize