once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
