I got chris browned last night
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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