remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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