I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
