I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
