mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize