We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
