You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
