well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
