I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
