he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
