you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
