I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
