He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
