remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I've blown a few things in my day
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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