he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
