my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
