Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So many bounce houses so little time
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize