that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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