TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
