he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
