And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
