Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
