then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
