Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
