I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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