On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
