He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
