Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Pants are for mortals
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