My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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