I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
