WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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