I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
