I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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