somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I can't put those talents on a resume
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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