me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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