We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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