Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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