I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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