There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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