he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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