he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
