You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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