Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
