The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This baby is an asshole
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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