i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
