He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
