She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
