so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize