i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
