can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize