Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
