Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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