ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
