She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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