I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
