Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
