Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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