I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
