3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
