All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
