Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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