I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
