1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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