Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
