Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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