oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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