just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
