trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
