btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
