Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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