I just saw a hot homeless man
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
