My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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