there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
