So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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