Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
