Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
