Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
