Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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