You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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