guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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