i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
