U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
whose parrot is this?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
