I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize