I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
