I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
